This is a very exciting and emotional part of your adoption journey. It's the moment your family has all been waiting for. Here are a few things to think about as you begin your adoption journey.
After you have been selected for a child or sibling group, your family is so excited to meet the child. You start to imagine the child in your family and in your home. You may even begin to set up their room.
- First piece of advice is to take the next steps slowly.
Before we met our child, I read the same thing. Take it slowly, but the next thing you know we were taking the child home for good after our first formal visit. We should have heeded advice and taken it more slowly.
- Read, re-read, discuss, ask questions, and pray about the information you receive
After being selected, you will receive all sorts of information about your child: Psych reports, family history, medical reports, etc. Please make sure you have received it all and the most current reports. Once you have it all, take your time to read it all, discuss with your spouse, and pray about it. Don't rush this process.
A large box was given to us an hour before meeting her. We read through it as quickly as possible and then decided it was too much to go through.
Also, if you question anything in the report, this is your opportunity to ask the worker questions. They want you to ask questions. They want you completely informed. Don't be afraid to ask too many questions or to ask to have more time.
- Set up as many visits as possible
Next, you will either be given the opportunity to speak with the child on the phone or most likely, set up a first meeting date. If you are meeting the child, set up a short afternoon visit in their foster home and get to know them and their foster family.
Do not let the worker talk you into taking the child home after the first visit. Our child's team felt it was in her best interest to limit visits. They felt she didn't need to go back to her home because it was a RTC and they felt she would have more issues. As we look back on this, we realize it moved way too quickly and we should have set up more visits. Your family and your child needs time to process the changes that are occurring.
Go home and have a family meeting and pray. If you feel the first meeting went well, tell the worker you want to proceed and set up another visit.
Ask the foster parents what the child might be interested in doing before you make plans. We knew our child was interested in the outdoors and adventure, so we took her kayaking and she loved it.
Once your family has started having long weekend visits in your home, you may have a good feeling about this child or you may not feel this is the child for your family. Do not be afraid to back out at this point. It's better to know now before the child moves in with you. Pray and ask God to show you if this is the child for your family. Trust God and enjoy your new child!
If you are currently in this process, I would love to hear how your adoption journey is going or for you to offer any additional advice to others in the process of adopting.
Well, it has been just about 3 weeks since we first met the sweet 12 year old girl at the adoption match party. We have spent hours reading through her files, talking to her case worker and our case worker, and even her therapist. It has been an emotional journey learning about her past and truly deciding if this is the one for us. After much discussion and prayer, we do believe in our hearts that she is the one and God will be with us every step of the way.
We found out today that we are one of the top chosen families, like we had expected. Next week, our worker will go meet with this little girl's worker, CASA, and other workers to make the final decision on who is the right family for this child. If and when we are chosen, we will start having phone calls and visits with her soon after. We have also been told that a team of people who know her well will meet with us and share all they can with us to help this little girl.
Meanwhile, I continue to pray, study, and ask God to bring others into our lives who can be a support system for us and for her - I specifically prayed for a family who has adopted older children and have their own biological children. So what do you think happens today? I run into an old neighbor from 6 years ago who I have been dying to see since we moved back. They are one of the first homeschooling families I met and greatly admired. They have several sweet children and I found out today they have been busy themselves adopting possibly 2, ages 10 and 12. They have had the children in their homes since December, so she has all sorts of advice for us. Thank you Lord! I am constantly amazed and so thankful for our loving God and all He does for us! He continues to supply what we need when we need it!
I am writing this to help those of you out there going through the adoption process. Whether it is through the state or private adoption agency, you will have these same opportunities. Even though this was a very emotional experience, we would definitely advise other adoptive parents to attend a match party. As you will see with our story, we were able to interact with any child we wanted to and speak personally with that child's caseworker. Most of us would not have the opportunity to speak with a child and the caseworker unless we were the chosen family after the selection process. So, first pray, go to a match party, play with the kiddos, and then pray some more. If the child or children are there, God will show you!
I am also writing this for the little girl we believe is meant to bless our family. This is just the beginning of her adoption story.
This weekend we went to our first adoption match party 4 hours away. Our family was excited, yet very uncomfortable with the idea of this. Shrimp was especially uncomfortable feeling that the children would be on showcase for us. I was praying the whole time that God would show us the one He wanted us to have. I asked him to have one stand out to us and for us to know he/she was the one. Well, I feel it happened just as I had prayed for it to happen. God showed us the one and it happened to be one we were interested in months ago, but we thought she had been adopted.
We realized that if this one is truly going to be ours there was a reason it took our process so long. If we would have been certified sooner, this little girl would not have been available to us. She just became available again a couple weeks ago.
Here's how the day proceeded. We arrived and there were children of all ages everywhere. There were many children I was interested in, but not my husband. There were games, a bouncy house, basketball, and crafts going on around us. As we sat looking out at the children on the bouncy house, I prayed for Him to show us if the one was there. All the children were precious and beautiful and full of life that day. You look around and just want to take them all home. I knew I could not just go up to any of the children because I might give them false hope. So, I was praying and watching the children. I looked over at the line of people arriving and saw this little girl waiting in line to check in. I grabbed my husband's attention. I even interrupted him to show him this girl. As we were staring at her, my daughter and I realized she looked very familiar. She was a very small and petite little thing. We quickly learned it was the 12 year old girl we knew from the website months ago and wondered why she was there. We thought she had been adopted.
My hubby and I spoke briefly and we quickly felt that I should go talk to them. I went up to her and her caseworker and we started talking. I asked the girl if she knew she was famous. That I had seen her on a news show months ago. I told her she was an impressive gymnast and the next thing I know, she started doing flips for me excited to show off her skills. I was immediately struck by her bubbly personality. She was also very polite as she looked me in the eyes and answered every question. She went off to play in the bouncy house and Posie instantly followed. This gave me a chance to talk with her caseworker. The caseworker was a wealth of knowledge explaining everything to me and answering my questions. I found myself tearing up over what she was telling me. It was very hard to hear what all this little girl had been through. At that moment, I started to wonder if this was the one for us.
Very quickly we were approached by a woman who needed to take this little girl's picture for the adoption website again. As I walked away, my hubby and I noticed another couple following. I looked at my hubby and we felt we should go as well. It was very strange, almost as if we were fighting for this little girl's attention. Not what I had envisioned.
She was so sweet and answered the other couple's questions, but kept turning to us to talk. She pretty much went with us after that. She had others approach her, but it was only briefly. She ate with us and spent time with the kids on the bouncy house. I had a million questions for her. I wanted to know everything about her.
She had several children come up to say hello to her and we found out it's because they lived with each other at one point. We found out this sweet girl has been living in a group home for a year. We loved watching the sweet way she interacted with these friends. This was definitely an advantage. At one point, I thought she would leave us to go play with her friends, but she quickly turned to us and motioned saying, "The line is over here."
While we were sitting eating lunch, she was very sweet with my hubby asking politely to wear his sunglasses. After, she gave them back nicely even though the other kids were asking to wear them as well. The way she interacted with him was precious and it surprised me. While we were eating, she asked us if we want to adopt her and I had to explain that it wasn't what we wanted that was important, it was finding the perfect family for her. She immediately told us she wanted us to adopt her. She said, "Please adopt me. I have my grandparent's phone number and I can call them." Then she turned to her caseworker and whispered that she wanted us to adopt her. It was all very sweet.
We found out that homeschooling would be in her best interest. She loves animals, just like our kids do. She went crazy when she found out we volunteer at the Humane Society. She absolutely loves huskies. She is completely a tom boy. She loves roller blading, biking, kickball, swimming, gymnastics, and animals. She even said her favorite tv show was Animal Planet. I noticed she has a creative side because her shoes were decorated. She said she used nail polish to decorate them. What a cute idea! We were not finding anything that we disliked about her.
At the end of the day, she gave us a hug and left. I didn't want to let her go. I spoke with my hubby to see how he felt and instantly went to fill out an interest card on her. Her caseworker had given me the only business card she had and asked us to call her and have our caseworker submit our home study.
We all left feeling mixed emotions: excitement yet sadness for all the children there who did not have a family approach them. Our whole family liked this girl and wanted to adopt her. We felt she would fit perfectly into our family and we just wanted to take her with us that afternoon to go camping. Of course, it did not happen. We spent the entire weekend talking about her and thinking of all the things we wanted to do with her and show her. We just wanted to take her home, protect her and love her.
Now, we thought this meant that we might get to see her again sooner and the process would move along more quickly, but we found out today that we were wrong. We do get to receive info on her next week to decide if we want to proceed. Next, we will still have to go through the selecion process. Other case workers will gather together with ours to make the decision. We do have an advantage given that we met her and had a connection with her. But, it may take a couple weeks for us to find out anything and start having visits. Again, I have to remind myself it's all in God's timing. I am so full of excitement and joy thinking she is the one. But, I am also praying for this little girl to find the right home for her, because ultimately that is what matters. And I keep thanking our loving, faithful God for blessing us with this opportunity!
Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
This year, God has really worked on making me more patient as we go through this adoption process. You ask for patience and you will receive. He will give you ways to work on becoming more patient. It has been 10 months since we went to our first adoption meeting and we were finally told we were certified adoptive parents in March. Starting the next week, we put in an interest on a 10 year old girl. The next week, we put an interest on a 9 year old boy and a 11 year old girl, because we were told to put an interest on as many children as we liked. Two weeks ago, I was told by the first child's caseworker that they would be making their decision the next week and they would definitely let us know either way. Well, it's 4 weeks in and we have not heard anything about any of the children. We were hoping to know something about one of the 3 children before our first match party, which happens to be tomorrow 4 hours away.
I have been asked if that means we will be getting 3 children. No, it means we are interested in these 3. Once we are chosen for one, our interest on the others will go away. Again, we will have to be patient as we wait to see if one of these are the one God wanted for us.
We will be attending our first match party tomorrow at a church, where we will meet children of all ages. This seems a little odd, like the children are on showcase, but we have heard how many families actually make a match this way. We will get to interact with all of the children to see if there is a match between us.
People keep asking me, "How are you so patient waiting this long?" I have to tell you that I do not always feel patient. I want it to happen quicker and I want to know which one God wants for our family, but things don't happen in our timing, they happen in God's timing. This has been a great lesson for me. God is our everything. He will supply what we need when we need it. I have to continuously turn to God for peace and patience during this time. And he has continuosly given it to me. He shows me that he is in control and will reveal the one for us soon and it may not be the one we want. I know that He is preparing both our family and the child right now as I write. He is preparing our hearts and our lives for each other.
I think of a beautiful blooming garden when I think of patience. Plants start off as seeds and it takes weeks to grow into tiny little plants. Then months as we wait for them to mature and bloom.We have to be patient waiting for each plant to fully develop. In the end, it is all worth it as the vibrant flowers blossom so we can now enjoy the beauty. Adoption is much like this. He is working on us and preparing us as we wait. In the end, we will have the beautiful child He wants us to love and take care of.
