After you have been selected for a child or sibling group, your family is so excited to meet the child. You start to imagine the child in your family and in your home. You may even begin to set up their room.
- First piece of advice is to take the next steps slowly.
Before we met our child, I read the same thing. Take it slowly, but the next thing you know we were taking the child home for good after our first formal visit. We should have heeded advice and taken it more slowly.
- Read, re-read, discuss, ask questions, and pray about the information you receive
After being selected, you will receive all sorts of information about your child: Psych reports, family history, medical reports, etc. Please make sure you have received it all and the most current reports. Once you have it all, take your time to read it all, discuss with your spouse, and pray about it. Don't rush this process.
A large box was given to us an hour before meeting her. We read through it as quickly as possible and then decided it was too much to go through.
Also, if you question anything in the report, this is your opportunity to ask the worker questions. They want you to ask questions. They want you completely informed. Don't be afraid to ask too many questions or to ask to have more time.
- Set up as many visits as possible
Next, you will either be given the opportunity to speak with the child on the phone or most likely, set up a first meeting date. If you are meeting the child, set up a short afternoon visit in their foster home and get to know them and their foster family.
Do not let the worker talk you into taking the child home after the first visit. Our child's team felt it was in her best interest to limit visits. They felt she didn't need to go back to her home because it was a RTC and they felt she would have more issues. As we look back on this, we realize it moved way too quickly and we should have set up more visits. Your family and your child needs time to process the changes that are occurring.
Go home and have a family meeting and pray. If you feel the first meeting went well, tell the worker you want to proceed and set up another visit.
Ask the foster parents what the child might be interested in doing before you make plans. We knew our child was interested in the outdoors and adventure, so we took her kayaking and she loved it.
Once your family has started having long weekend visits in your home, you may have a good feeling about this child or you may not feel this is the child for your family. Do not be afraid to back out at this point. It's better to know now before the child moves in with you. Pray and ask God to show you if this is the child for your family. Trust God and enjoy your new child!
If you are currently in this process, I would love to hear how your adoption journey is going or for you to offer any additional advice to others in the process of adopting.
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